It is no longer news that Nollywood actress Tonto Dikeh, yesterday released her two new singles, what is news here is the way the songs were received by the listening audience. Critics did not waste any time dishing out their minds on how they feel about the songs notably among the critics is film director and producer Charles Novia.
The twitter community did not spare the wanna-be musician one bit as they took to twitter trending #Poko and #SongsBetterThanTontoDikeSong. It may shock you that cowbell advert even the NTA news theme songs were chosen as better than Tonto Dike's song by twitter users.
For your reading pleasure, I have put together write-ups from critics and the trending tweets. Enjoy!
(1) “Her music career was dead on arrival” – A critique of Tonto Dikeh’s new singles
It is now glaring that most Nigerians who do well (or not) in their chosen field, find the music industry a convenient vacation chalet or an adventure forecourt to exhibit whatever is left of them.
Few months ago, news broke out that popular actress and renowned smoker, Tonto Dikeh was in the studio working on her debut singles. She obviously wanted to join the “I’ve been singing since I was in my mother’s womb” bandwagon; the “I used to sing in the choir” opportunists.
The gist did not come as a surprise; quite a number of Nollywood stars have at one time or the other released songs, albeit frail attempts. They include Genevieve Nnaji, Omotola Jalade-Ekehinde, Nkem Owoh (aka Osuofia) among others.
Before I give my opinion on what is presently the most talked about subject in the Nigerian movie/music industry, may I outline two words which any aspiring artiste must be conversant with.
One is Music, defined as sounds produced by instruments or voices, arranged or played in order to create an effect. The other is Talent – simply described as the natural ability to do something well.
Regrettably, our dear Tonto who it appears does not have the slightest idea of the above ‘sine qua non’, decided (or was deceived) to record not just a song but two. For the love of God, must the whole world sing?
The much-awaited tracks, “Itz ova” and “High” are anything but good tunes. Don’t eat me yet. Lest I be accused of bias, have a look at two of the earliest commentaries I read after the songs was released.
An undergraduate said “This is the biggest joke of the decade. When you point out this shameful mediocrity you are called a hater. Go ahead, keep up with the self-deceit.”
A more disappointed fan bellowed “Ill advised; a mistake waiting to happen that has finally happened. Lord make her stop or I’ll smash my laptop now and burn it. That is not music, it sounded like an animal last cry before dying. Sweetie, face acting, you not even that good at it sef, but just face it please. For a new hobby, mix bleaching cream and save our ears. My parrot can sing better”
Interestingly, the comments were made by ladies who originally would have cheered her on.
Now to the verdict proper, I shall rate the songs according to four indicators listed below; each has a maximum score of 2.5 points, thus the total points possible is 10.
Voice Texture/Harmony: Without doubt, Tonto’s voice is awful and could not do the job alone. This is corroborated by the use of auto-tune in a (failed) bid to assist. Several Grammy award-winning artistes, world-acclaimed superstars all have trainers/coaches on vocals so I wonder why a newcomer like her did not engage one; she may have come out better. (Score: 0.5)
Lyrical Content: In the “High” track, the concept was for it to be energetic; a wild song for party/club rotation and DJ spins. She had an idea of what she wanted to put across but presented it poorly. She did what sounded like a real cough and then went on to confirm it was caused by the weed she took (perhaps before the studio session). “Itz Ova” was close to helping her out and would have been the saving grace. Snypa, the featured act’s Jamaican-style delivery lifted the song but Tonto’s lackluster lines kept relegating it. (Score: 1)
Sound Quality/Production: “High” mixing was not the best. At a point, the production sounded like a track in 1987 discography collection. The producer was confused on whether to do an upbeat tempo all the way or infuse widely-accepted electronica which I bet he had in mind. “Itz Ova” beat is purely ragga but certainly below what we expect in 2012! (Score: 1)
Audience Connection: Unfortunately for the actress, she has made more haters than fans by this debut display; the acceptance is generally low. Listeners surely expected more than what they got. In fact, rather than get through to them, Tonto blew the love – no connecting strip whatsoever. (Score: 0.5)
Altogether, my personal rating is 2 points; that’s one star over five.
The ubiquitous criticism her performance has attracted is enough to declare her musical career DOA (dead on arrival). In spite of this, let’s give her benefit of a doubt and hope she does better next time.
Meanwhile, I hope you guys have heard Stella Damascus too has released a new song. Did someone say “really?” Yes, I can confirm it’s true; will listen up and then do a review in the coming days.
(2) Tonto's Terrible Tremolo by Charles Novia.
I have restrained myself for a couple of years from commenting on Tonto Dike's career after my last comments about her role in the soft porn movie she acted in two years back, were badly taken by her and she went on twitter to hurl infantile insults on my person with expletives and uncomplimentary remarks. My reaction to such then was just a dignified silence. After all, I had already spoken on her stunted talent as an up and coming actress and further comments on her incensed tweets were unnecessary.
All through the past few hours, the social media networks have been abuzz with the new singles of actress, Tonto Dike. She seems to have joined the actors of her ilk who have the moonlighting itch to delve into singing. While no one can stop such an ambition by those artistes, I do think those who surround such artistes are their worst enemies if they can't tell them the truth about leaving their sometimes doubtful day job. Well, I will! I listened to Miss Dike's two singles a few minutes ago and my initial speechlessness morphed to a nagging laughter and then subsided into a befuddled anguish. I'm a music label owner (November Records) and have produced and Executive Produced acts like Majek Fashek, Terry tha Rapman, Zubby Enebeli etc. I know much about music and the slant of commercial music. But after listening to Miss Dike's songs, I'm inclined to align with the majorly negative comments about them on cyberspace. Ah-ah! Whoever produced her knew she has a bad voice for singing and masked our listening torture with the Autotune effect. But even the Autotune rejected any attempt to make a bad voice worse and Miss Dike came out sounding like she was in mid-stream orgasm instead of singing! Her anguished tremolos would have been better reserved for a horror movie sound effect than an attempt at joining the revered profession of music. If Omotola got away with her last two terrible attempts at singing, it was because Omotola is a fantastic actress and her fans could forgive her musical failings after backtracking her body of work in Nollywood. With Tonto, I can't say much either for her acting depth. She's a one-dimensional actress in my opinion, who mistakes notoriety for fame. She needs more training in acting and this I say with all sense of professionalism as a movie Director. She might achieve greater heights in acting if she trains more. But she has no heights to achieve in singing. Only a downward plunge, the stuff bad endings in movies are made of.
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